tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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