i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
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He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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