you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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