I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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