Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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