so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
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in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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