I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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