Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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