I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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