you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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