I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
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I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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