I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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