Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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