my room smells like sperm. sweet.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
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the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
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He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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