I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize