omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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