Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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