Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize