im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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