Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
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I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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