then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize