you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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