Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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