She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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