You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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