Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He passed out mid-signature
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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