today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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