i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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