So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize