I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
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when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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