If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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