When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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