I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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