Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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