i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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