I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
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the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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