I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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