Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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