Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize