So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
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I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize