Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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