this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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