a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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