I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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