Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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