Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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