i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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