dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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