Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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