we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
sarcasm needs its own font
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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